daggett!

Digesting Criticism

When criticism hits, it’s easy to dismiss it, all of it. When complaints are hurled your way, a way to escape the hurt is to do just that –  escape. 

I think we all have a tendency to take a statement, criticism, idea, question or story and place it into just one category. Something is either bad or good, happy or sad, ridiculous or insightful, annoying or fascinating, positive or negative. The hardest thing for us to do with a single idea is consider it as both a blessing and a curse, at the same time. 

Today’s Example:

I received an email through the Mission Lazarus blog. First impression: 100% negative. My brain deciphered the contents as an onslaught of complaints, accusations and blanket, out of context statements. These contents, in turn, produced emotions that can be all be grouped into just one category — negative. 

Anger. Sadness. Guilt. Doubt. Depression.

If my reaction ends in any of the above, my mind, body and spirit will eventually deteriorate, burn out or turn apathetic. 

In The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell talks about the inability that children under a certain age have in understanding how something can be two things at once. How can this red, circular, edible object that sits on the palm of my hand be both an apple and a fruit? How can this big, tall, brown, and green object planted in the back yard be both a tree and a maple?

My concern is that in our development, a small part of this inability to perceive two things at once has remained in our DNA. When I’m criticized, I dismiss it all as a ludicrous, meaningless attack that has ground to stand on. It is only in the distant future that I am able to see the “good” that came from a negative situation. 

Instead of always seeing the negative, why can’t we process transactions, interactions and reactions through multiple filters all at once? Why does it seem impossible to quickly digest the criticism, extract the nutritious, constructive details and discard the useless, harmful waste?

I think the answer is simply because it’s not natural, but I also think that it’s something that we can train ourselves to do. 

Seth Godin’s latest post talks about protecting our “soft spot” (i.e. being hurt by an angry customer or a boss calling you out) and stresses a key question: “How much does the act of protecting the soft spot actually make it more likely you will be hurt?” 

My natural reaction to being attacked by an angry customer is to start avoiding situations where I have to deal with these types of customers, or I hop to the other extreme of doing everything I can to please as many people as possible – 100%. 

The solution, instead, is to force yourself into more of the same situations, handle more problems with angry customers, process angry emails, solve difficult problems and challenges. In each situation, practice the digestive process of quickly sorting the valuable from the invaluable. 

Digest. React. Repeat.